Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Call it by another name,


Beginning on April 4:

-Wilfried Merki at (return mail just says "Have a business suggestion for you Please if you are capable of maintaining confidentiality and standing as the next of Kin to a late partner please do get bck to me so i could give you more details"

Well, there goes confidentiality... :-) has a 3% loan opportunity for me, if I'll only click on the handy link... hmm... anyone got some bug spray?

-Mrs Malak Ali at (return mail says that she has a bank transaction that she needs a foreigner to transact, and she'll give me 30% of $6.2 Million dollars if I'll help her: " by indicating your interest on assurance of trust, i will send you the full details and how this business will be executed.

Please keep this proposal as a top secret between both of us because the secret of this transaction is as well as the success of it, and if you are really sure of your integrity, trustworthy and confidentiality reply back to me immediately to prove your integrity, And if you are not interested about this business delete it immediately in your email box.

I will be looking forward for your urgent response

Regards, in sincerity,
Mrs Malak Ali. (BOA)
My private contact number: +22674861084.

...Guess what! I'm not interested! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! (Wait, that sounds a bit like Dr Bronner...)

-Mr LAMIDO SANUSI at (return mail writes to tell me that his bank has some part of $10 Million in an unclaimed fund for me, but: "yesterday two foreigners (Mr. Tim Parker and Mr. Rowland Gulf) visited my office in your stead to inform me that they are your Representatives from United State,whom you send to collecting your Funds for you. We in this Bank do not understand why you sent these men to come and Collect your Funds on your behalf. If actually you want them to help you Collect your Inheritance Bill Sum,at least you should have informed me as the Executive Governor of this Bank. They actually tendered some Vital Documents which Proved that you actually sent them for the Collection of this Funds. Honestly, it really baffles me that you took such decision without my consent. Here are the Document which they tender to this Bank today:1. LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION.2. HIGH COURT INJUNCTION.3. ORDER TO RELEASE.Actually, these Documents which they tendered to this Noble Bank is a clear Proof that you sent them to Collect this Funds for you. Finally,I told them to come back tomorrow morning and they promised to come back.As the Governor of this Noble Bank, I was supposed to Release this Funds to them but I refused to do so because I wanted to hear from you first.Due to the Nature of my job, I will not want to make any mistake in Releasing this Funds to anyone except you whom is the Recognized Bonafide Beneficiary to this Funds.Kindly clarify us on this issue before we make this Payment to these foreigners whom came on your behalf. In receipt of this confidential Letter, you are required to email this Bank immediately you receive this Confidential Letter.OFFICIALLY SIGNED.MR LAMIDO SANUSI.GOVERNOR CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA

Ah, so Mr Vito and Mr Guido did not convince you, hmm Mr Lamido? Ah, dose kneecaps look so purty... would hate for sumfin ta happen to them...

-Helen Williams at writes saying that she is Mrs Sarah Henson, a widow dying of cancer, and she has a charitable offer worth 22 million pounds. I just have to write her by clicking the linky... looks legit, right?

-I might have won money in a lotto draw, according to They'll be drawing on April 7th. Oh, I'm so excited! I can hardly wai- er... I guess I didn't win. :-(

-Oh dear! Mrs Tracy Williams at (return mail is dying of cancer and has just pots of money! "I am a dying woman who have decided to donate this money to a reliable individual that will use this US$10.5M[Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollar] to build orphanage home,help the poor and less privilege." I just have to contact her, at yet another email address, to set this up. But hurry, because she's having another surgery and she's not expected to survive!

Well, bollocks. I let it sit in my inbox and now it's probably too late. *snif!* Those poor and less privilege! Well, maybe Mitt Romney will help them out?

April 5:

-Oh my! Mr Lamido Sanusi again! This time writing from (return mail, and he says "Attention beneficiary, this is to notify you that your diplomat JOHN BENARD has now arrive with your cash consignment box loaded with $usd1.5m at John .F.Kennedy international airport new york city, United State of America from Dr.sanusi lamido the Executive Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria.Contact him now with your full Name home and address also your valid phone number through his email ( for the release of your fund and also to give you more details about your fund.


Wow! At JFK! I suppose Annie or Phil could go pick it up for me, right? Poor John Benard. He's only been sitting there in Arrivals for two weeks. Maybe they should take him a sammich.

-Mr John Williams at says that thanks to my diligence, he has that money for me! "I have left a certified international bank draft for you worth of (USD$1.800,000) cashable anywhere in the world for your compensation. Contact: Ms. VIVIAN OBASI my secretary in Nigeria. Her email address is: Therefore you should send her your full Name... and telephone number.../your current address... where you want her to send the draft to you. Presently I'm in INDIA for investment projects,Thanks and God bless you. (Senate President) JOHN E WILLIAMS."

If I've helped him diligently, doesn't he already have my name?

-Reginard Adams of Millvahills Madson Land Pack UK at (return mail has a bank draft of $800,000 waiting for me in a FedEx office in West Africa. I just have to pay some fees, etc... Cool. Just take it out of that check, will you Reg?

-MRS. MANUELA JOHNSON. (DIRECTOR OF ONLINE LOTTO AND GAMING CORPORATION) informs me AGAIN that my email was drawn to WIN WIN WIN! I have until April 20 to claim it. That is, if I keep it confidential.

No big party? Dang.

April 6:

-Mr. Hyo Keun Lee writes from (return mail is a humble Korean oil man who left Libya (keep up with me here) for my country. "I have US$3,000.000 ( Three Million United States Dollars) for investment purpose. I want you to receive this fund on my behalf and invest on a profitable business venture on an agreed terms. If you are interested I will offer you 35% of US$3,000.000. please get back to me with the following details.
A. A Beneficiary name and contact address, in order for me to prepare the document for transfer of the funds in your name.
B. Direct Telephone.
C. Age and occupation."

Dude, NOBODY gets my age that easy... claims to be the FBI in Washington DC (hey, there might be more than one!) and they're informing me that I won the lotto! They just need $96 for some fees, and I should "CONTACT AGENT NAME: Mr Henry Ben
PHONE NUMBER: +22996499818

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:


In Italy? At that number?
. . . maybe I'll ask J. Edgar. I'll have to dig him up first of course...

-Mirian Awad at (return mail wants to be very good friends! Would I please send her a picture! How about I send her the same picture on my Facebook, yes?

-Well, Barrister Chong Ng Lee at (return mail Has some money left in a bank account by someone with my last name, and he wants to give it to me as next of kin. Really? And not my ex? I would think he's nexter of kin...

-Mr Louis at (return mail claims to be Sir.Paschal Ed Coordinator Online Promo Programmed at UK NATIONAL FREELOTTO INC, and is happy to tell me that I've won 850,000 Pounds, and would I please contact Mrs Elaine for details. Right. I'll also ask her why no one in their office can write the Queen's English properly?

April 7: has a business offer worth $30.5M. Short and sweet. And the answer is still no.

-Hubba hubba! Janet at says "Hellooooo

It is a pleasure to fond your profile on the web that seemed interesting so I decided to know more by sending you a message.I'm Janet McDavis a brilliant lady, full of emotion.

I love people for who they are and not for what they are not.So here is my personal profile if you wish.

Name: Janet McDavis


Height: 174 cm 5 '6?

Weight: 60 kg 148 pounds

Size: 24 "

Eyes: blue

Hair: blonde



Language: English and French



Admin, eh? Hope you're not in proofreading.

-Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde at (return mail says I've been scammed! Oh no! But he adds: "This mail is been directed to you because your email address was found in one of the scam Artists file and computer hard disk in our custody here in Nigeria. You are therefore being compensated with $2.5 Million Dollars. Who claims that they are barristers/bank officials Lottery Agents who has money for transfer or want you to be the next of kin of such funds which do not exist.

Since your name appeared among the beneficiaries who will receive a compensation of $2.5 Million we have arranged your payment through our swift card payment center, Feel free to contact the processing officer Mr. Mark D Law the swift card has been specially prepared to enable you withdraw your money in any ATM machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is Five Thousand Dollars Only per day."

I just have to send them a bunch of personal information- including PINs, and of course a fee to release the ATM card.

Let me guess- the 'you've been scammed' was precog, and not a statement of fact?

Enough for tonight. More of this exciting stuff later!


Anonymous said...

You know, they must have amazing insurance, all those people offering you millions of dollars because they are dying of cancer....

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