Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Oh Sleeper, where art thou?

So this has pretty much become my sleep: I sleep for three or four hours, then I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I'm not quite among the living, but I'm not asleep either. Eventually I wake up a bit and can do stuff, but after a few hours, maybe three or four or five, I crash. Bang. I fell asleep sitting at the table at an event the other day- during court, including the hurrahs. I can fall asleep sitting here at the computer. I suddenly nod off in odd places (no, I am very careful to not be driving when this is happening). But not in my own bed, when I want to.

Obviously I have become a house cat.

Boring reading sometimes help, though it doesn't help with staying awake- just with drifting off. Sometimes I can put on my headphones and put in a tape and go to sleep (Sting's 'Soul Cages' seems to do the trick lately), but there's a click when the tape ends and sometimes that wakes me up.

I've tried staying up all night to try to 'reset'. Well, I fall over at about 6 pm, sleep for four hours, and then wake up in a daze, not sure where I am or when I am. A couple of weeks ago I woke up about 6, and couldn't figure out if it was am or pm. I had to bump the little day/time thing on the computer to find out. It's really disorienting.

I'm drinking very little caffeine these days, only Saturday and Sunday morning, so that isn't the problem. I'm not up watching violent or stimulating tv, because I don't watch tv.

I do have plenty to worry about though. Worried about David and Lydia with the the babies. Worried for Annie and her job situation. Worried about Stephen and school (or not) and his overall life frustrations. Worried about James and his job and finances and finishing school. Worried about Wanda's health. Worried about Fjorlief's health. Worried about my own health. Worried about politics and the economy...

My doctor's solution of course is sleeping pills, and the suggestion of a support group. Support for what? Is there a support group for worried grandmothers of children in foster care? Or for people who want to find funding for a loved one's schooling? Or for frustrated Democrats who don't see anything good at the end of this tunnel?

Disrupted sleep is a common hallmark of Fibromyalgia, so I'm trying to reassure myself that this is not uncommon, and that others have felt this way. Doesn't help me sleep though.

Camomile? No. And it tastes like weeds. Lavender? Nope- I'm allergic, and the headache and nausea is not likely to help. Valerian? Nope, not a good combo with my meds. Ball peen hammer? Hmmm... there's s a thought. Well, probably would give me a headache.

But talking about it makes me want to nap...


Unknown said...

Have you tried a little walk in the evening in the cool weather? I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night for some weird reason. Maybe exercise will help me!

Liutgard said...

Well, evening walks alone in this neighborhood are not a good idea. When James is up we often walk down to Kennedy School. Getting back up the slop that last few houses is a trick though.

I did take a long walk this afternoon- it is so gorgeous out today I couldn't waste it. Down to Dekum and back up- according to Goggle almost exactly 1 mile. And now I'm having trouble staying awake. If I take a nap now, I won't sleep well tonight. Bleah. I'm hosed...

Anonymous said...

Here are my two cents, but, of course, YMMV.

I really think you should try a few sessions with a counselor (btw, I prefer "counselor" to "therapist" because you're not broken!)
I've found talking to a professional counselor to be really helpful. It gives you something that you can't get from talking to friends or spilling your thoughts onto the internet. You know that your counselor is really listening to what you say, and they are always on your side. I find it a great place to let everything out and (kind of) leave it there. You have a lot to worry about and that's got to be causing a lot of emotional tourmoil.
Anyway, I think it could really help with your sleep problem. Just give it a few sessions before you decide if it's working or not. And I think there are free clinics you can try, too.
I really hope things start to pick up!


Anonymous said...

I agree with Kimi.

You could also try Melatonin, which is as close to your body's natural processes as possible.

You can also talk to Marian (Staarveld). She's dealt with this kind of sleep issue, too.

Liutgard said...

Hi guys! (Kimi and Mirm?)

Yeah, we tried the melatonin and didn't see anything happening, and dropped it after about a month.Dr says it may just not mesh with the other stuff but we don't know. We have moved my drug doses around so that the stuff that makes me sleepiest is in the nighttime shovelful. So I'm not crashing 20 minutes after breakfast. Usually. :-/

I am seeing a therapist- she's part of the package for the medical stuff I'm dealing with. She's actually been quite pleased at how well (!?) I'm doing, especially with the issues with Teh Babieez and all. (And she can write scrips in case we need to adjust meds.) It's just that my body is not agreeing. Which is frustrating. I have also had several long talks with our Deacon, Marla, at church- especially as I'm still wrestling with the anger thing. She is really wonderful and very supportive. And the ladies at church have really kinda circled the wagons for me- I have moms and aunties to lean on, and you would not believe how wonderful that is!

So basically we're back to the 'it's most likely the fibro and the stress and we just have to ride it out'. My friend Carolyn at church also has fibromyalgia, and she's having similar problems right now, so it's not just me. Ride it out... where's my seatbelt?

Anonymous said...

What about your mattress and other environmental factors? Have you experimented with any of that? (I'm pretty sure you've already thought about this, but just in case...)


Liutgard said...

Well, the mattress is as it is. But now that the weather has cooled off I can turn on the heated mattress pad. It is an awesome thing, and does help with the fibromyalgia- it means that I can actually move in the morning.

I've been walking every day for a little more than a week now, and it's getting harder (shin splints and serious fatigue on the uphill leg of it) but I'm still doing it. And my dr has adjusted my thyroid meds- apparently my TSH was off when I was in last week. Joy. Have been sleeping a little better though, it's been five or six hours before I wake up and stare at the clock, and that's progress, I guess.