It's official-

I need new knees for Christmas.

I was in to the orthopedist today. My x-rays were unremarkable, though they showed some arthritis damage. The fun part came when he started moving my knee around. See, there's two ligaments that hold your kneecap on- one goes up and attaches to the femur, and one goes down and attaches to the tibia. These are supposed to go straight up and down, but apparently in my knees they don't- the lower one goes off to the side a bit. The makes the kneecap hypermobile, and a bit unstable- it can blow out easier (gee thanks, I really needed that). It also puts more pressure in places where it isn't designed for it. Then he moved my knee to make that *grrrrritttch* noise that it makes. Which it did, rather loudly. Apparently there's cartilage damage under the kneecap. The official word is that I have Chondromalacia, and Patellofemoral compression syndrome. Fancy words for 'a bum knee!'. He said it isn't yet bad enough to do a cortisone shot or look at surgery, but eventually that will happen. In the meantime, I can do heat/cold packs, ibuprofen (!), and mild activity. No squats, kneeling, yoga, nothing that folds my knee more than 90 degrees. Nothing that does a lot of lateral movement, like basketball, racquetball, etc. No heavy fighting or fencing. (You! Stop that snickering! I can hear you!) Biking is ok as long as I keep the resistance low- heavy resistance will speed up the damage.

Bother, said Pooh.