I am an idiot.

Something that had been building up for awhile exploded yesterday, and I exploded. and worse (much worse!), I answered an email while I was angry. Incandescently angry.

Part of me is still angry. But most of me is horrified, and saying "What have I done?"

At this point all I can do really is wait for the unfortunate recipient to respond. I did make a phone call yesterday and made a clumsy attempt at apologizing. I don't know if it was accepted. There was a lot of silence on that end.

In the meantime I'm not keeping food down so well. I wish I could rewind and undo. About 24 hours would be enough. But my Time Turner seems to be on the fritz.

I don't know what to do.

WESTMORELAND

O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!

KING HENRY V What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin:
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more...
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

(Happy St Crispin's Day!)

Vivat William!

Just to annoy my Anglo-Saxon friends, I'd like to point out that it is now October 14th, which is a bad day if your name is Harold Godwinson, and a good day if you're a Norman bastard. Heh.

And I sooooo love this picture. It is such a classic anachronism. Yeah, like you've never done it? Why did I see every other person whip out their phone after the final blow fell at Summit Coronet? The name of the winner was on the Summits list before I could walk back to my car...

Not much otherwise to report. The meds are still kicking my ass and I'm not happy about it. I have an appt with Dr Becher next Thursday. Maybe we can figure something out then.

The sewing room has piles of shirt pieces all over it. Hopefully they will be shirts in the next couple of days or so. And then I can get to the wrapped gowns. I'll have to get ahold of Suvia and see if they wanted the fancy facings on those. I have some silk that would be just perfect...

A crash course in Persian clothing...

So I'm madly reading everything I can on 14th-15th c Persian clothing, and there's a pile of fabric upstairs to be made into clothing for Rustam. Hey, keeps me out of trouble, right?

Other than that, I really haven't accomplished much- going through yet another medication adjustment (more levo-dopa! Yay! NOT!) so mostly I sleep. A lot. There's stuff I should be doing, but the sleepy is overpowering. So I muddle through. Sorta.

Had a culinary experiment that kinda didn't work. I tried substituting concentrated lemon juice for the vinegar in the standard sekanjabin recipe. Came out tasting like lemon candy- like a sucker. A bit too sweet, not tart enough. I might try it again, which a higher concentration of lemon juice. Maybe replace some or all of the water as well as the vinegar. Or I might not. I don't know. I like the raspberry vinegar version, but it's still... vinegar. There's only so much vinegar that I can take.

There's an event Saturday- Honor Feast. And this year they're fêteing Aleyn the Younger, who is one of my oldest and dearest friends. So it will be kinda cool. They're also holding the A&S Championship, and I'm judging, so I have to be awake and aware and get there on time! Arlys is going with me, so that should help keep me on task. Now I have to figure out what to take for my potluck contribution...

My Weekend,

by "I think I may need to change my name now..."

Ok. I just got back from Summits Coronet Tourney. Some Saracen guy won, a Rustam Something-or-other ;-) , but that is not what the story is about...

I was feeling fine when I got up Saturday morning. Ate my yogurt, took my meds, grabbed my chair and hiked off to the peerage meeting. (Must note here that Summits has occasional combined peerage meetings.) Got there, sat down. Fine.

A little while later I wasn't feeling so hot. Not really _bad_, but that bare bit of grass behind the thrones was looking pretty good. I wonder if I could sneak over there and lie down? Oh, not feeling good at all. And 3...2...1 OMIGAWD!

The Amazing Exploding Laurel barely gets past the Duke she is sitting next to, and out of the pavilion and around the corner before the obvious happens. Then hmm. WTH? Feeling better, go back to the meeting.

The second time I get about 5 seconds warning. It is a good thing that the Duke is still very fast! (Not a good thing to puke on a Duke!) Rest of the meeting I'm ok. (Well yeah- nothing left in me!)

(I am doing better. Just got home this evening, and I'm tired of driving! Also saw Paul Bunyan in Myrtle Point.)

Now to the funny story! Saturday afternoon after the tournament was over I headed for Ashland (took 42 to 5, which was actually a pretty nice drive), and while I was winding around through the mountains, I suddenly craved mashed potatoes and gravy. Not just any mashed potatoes and gravy- it had to be KFC. (Normally- bleah!) I finally saw a KFC sign in Medford (and thanks to construction there I spent a half hour lost), and when I rolled up to the drive through, I suspect that I was not coherent. I intended to ask for a serving of potatoes with extra gravy. I don't know what I actually asked for, but the voice on the other end said "Large?" Uh, yeah. Large. I was tired and sick and didn't care.

I ended up buying ten dollars worth of mashed potatoes and gravy.

But wait! The punch line! I pull up to the window, hand over my money and get the sack of very yummy smells, and the kid leans out the window a bit, looks at me funny, and says: "Uh, have fun with your potatoes, lady."

I was back on the freeway before it occurred to me to wonder what he thought I was going to be doing with my mashed potatoes...

Exhausted.

Well, eventing is (almost) over for the season. I have the boxes of dishes in the dining room, and they'll be run through the dishwasher before I put them away for the season. There's a pile of laundry on my bed- most of it is folded, and sometime tomorrow I'm going to get the tourney linens all put away. And hopefully I'll get the last of the stuff from the car and get it vacuumed. I have to leave the big stove in there (so I can return it to James) and my sleeping bag (for this weekend). Looking forward to some easier handling without the heavy load. And I can see out the back now! Rear-view mirror and all!

Crown was very nice. Ruland and Katrine found us a very nice place to camp that was very close to the water spigot. (Could have been closer to the privies, but oh well.) The kitchen worked, mostly- there were water problems. Drips where they were not welcome, etc. But the rug was wonderful- felt like a real kitchen, walking back and forth while working. The layout worked well. The food worked out well- the balance of dishes was nice. And I did a pretty good job of estimating how much of everything to buy. Brought home some leftovers, but not a lot.

The bath went pretty smoothly. Randal liked it, which was the big thing. The rest of the vigil went well too. And the elevation was wonderful. It had been raining, but as he knelt to make his oaths, the clouds parted, there was sunshine, and a huge double rainbow. I think it was blessed. :-)

Came home with very wet gear though (rained most of the weekend) hence the huge amount of laundry. And there's stuff laying around in the garage, hopefully getting dry. I haven't been feeling well (tiiiiired) so it has been very slow getting all put away. And I'm still digging myself out of the huge pile of email that accrued while I was at the event.

Thursday before the event, I saw the Pulmonary clinic. Turns out it's in the cancer center, which unnerved me a bit. Saw the doctor there.
I was right, it was mostly taking history, asking a million questions, etc. The dr went over my films again, and she says I have a nodule on my left lung that is about 5 mm. That's mm, not cm. So about the size of a pencil eraser. She said that the fluid at the bottom of the other lung is still there, and is a little wondering why it hasn't cleared up yet. And there's another nodule near that, about the size of a mustard seed.

She says that neither of them should be there, but at this point they want to watch them and see what happens. So in a couple of months, I get to so the scan again. In the meantime, I wait.

I HATE waiting.

Might as well sleep.

A bit stressed here-

and there's people to choke but no one I dare lay hands on.

Ok, Wanda doesn't read this so I'll let a little of it out. She and Claire are not getting along. There's stuff on both sides, but Wanda is in the driver's seat. And it is getting ugly. And naturally I'm hearing it from both sides and I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS! I really don't! And the atmosphere here in the house is poisonous.

Wanda is under stress at work (NSTB stuff again) and I understand that colors her worldview. There's some other factors that I can't get into here. She's also grumpy that she isn't getting the attention that she thinks she deserves from SCA folk. Well, if she went to an event or a meeting once in awhile, I might say she has a point. Of course, on the rare occasion that she _does_ go to something, all she does is prattle on about the Good Old Days in Drachenwald. She's not done anything here to make Good Days, and I think that they are what you make. My Good Days are now- because I make them so. And I'm really tired of hearing how An Tir doesn't measure up.

So even Saturday breakfast or Sunday brunch have been a bit quiet- I try to talk about stuff that is happening and she isn't interested, except to criticize. A few weeks back several of us at the brunch table were busy talking about the upcoming elevation, and for once we didn't let her drag the conversation around to her. (There's been a lot of 'It's All About MEMEME!!!' going on lately.) She got really pissed off and actually sniffled all the way home. And I have to say, I honestly didn't feel like comforting her, because of the dozens of times that she's completely dominated the table and I can't get a word in edgewise.

I love Wanda, but she's been behaving like a spoiled brat for some time now, and I don't know what to do about it. If there is anything I can do about it. If I could leave, I would. And I can't. So I have to find some way of dealing with this. Something that does not involve violence, that is.

Sigh.

Am I completely whacked?

Getting near to being done with Randal's surcoat. I might have time to put together the Frankish coat I've planned. We'll see. In the meantime, I think it's more Marx Brothers and some loud rock music to get through.

Oh- forgot to add- stopped at Goodwill today and scored big time- I picked up two 8" Henckels knives for $1.99 EACH. Considering how awful the knives in my tourney kitchen are, this is a major improvement!