Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Oh Sleeper, where art thou?

So this has pretty much become my sleep: I sleep for three or four hours, then I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I'm not quite among the living, but I'm not asleep either. Eventually I wake up a bit and can do stuff, but after a few hours, maybe three or four or five, I crash. Bang. I fell asleep sitting at the table at an event the other day- during court, including the hurrahs. I can fall asleep sitting here at the computer. I suddenly nod off in odd places (no, I am very careful to not be driving when this is happening). But not in my own bed, when I want to.

Obviously I have become a house cat.

Boring reading sometimes help, though it doesn't help with staying awake- just with drifting off. Sometimes I can put on my headphones and put in a tape and go to sleep (Sting's 'Soul Cages' seems to do the trick lately), but there's a click when the tape ends and sometimes that wakes me up.

I've tried staying up all night to try to 'reset'. Well, I fall over at about 6 pm, sleep for four hours, and then wake up in a daze, not sure where I am or when I am. A couple of weeks ago I woke up about 6, and couldn't figure out if it was am or pm. I had to bump the little day/time thing on the computer to find out. It's really disorienting.

I'm drinking very little caffeine these days, only Saturday and Sunday morning, so that isn't the problem. I'm not up watching violent or stimulating tv, because I don't watch tv.

I do have plenty to worry about though. Worried about David and Lydia with the the babies. Worried for Annie and her job situation. Worried about Stephen and school (or not) and his overall life frustrations. Worried about James and his job and finances and finishing school. Worried about Wanda's health. Worried about Fjorlief's health. Worried about my own health. Worried about politics and the economy...

My doctor's solution of course is sleeping pills, and the suggestion of a support group. Support for what? Is there a support group for worried grandmothers of children in foster care? Or for people who want to find funding for a loved one's schooling? Or for frustrated Democrats who don't see anything good at the end of this tunnel?

Disrupted sleep is a common hallmark of Fibromyalgia, so I'm trying to reassure myself that this is not uncommon, and that others have felt this way. Doesn't help me sleep though.

Camomile? No. And it tastes like weeds. Lavender? Nope- I'm allergic, and the headache and nausea is not likely to help. Valerian? Nope, not a good combo with my meds. Ball peen hammer? Hmmm... there's s a thought. Well, probably would give me a headache.

But talking about it makes me want to nap...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

My computer ate my life.

Yeah. Between email and Facebook, my hours have sort of been sucked away. Working on revamping my habits, but it's a lot harder than one would think, especially since so much on my research and such is online. It's way too easy to think "I'd better check my Facebook while I'm here", and six hours later I'm hungry and haven't showered and other things I needed to do (phone calls and such) have slipped off. On the other hand, there's quite a few people I've gotten to know better because of it. Like everything in life, it's a trade-off.

In the meantime, stuff happens. I was sick and missed most of Sport of Kings. I managed to get there Saturday night, saw Eleanor de Sackville's Pelican elevation, and got to seen Korwyn, which was really nice. (I don't get to see him but every year or two.) Caught up with Raph and Kerie-je (a lot of 'organ recital'!) and schmoozed with Amalric, who is cute as ever. :-)

September Crown was kind of fun, even though it was way too bloody hot. I went out for the Laurel meeting on Sunday and stayed for court. We elevated Keeva (the correct spelling for her name I'm not even sort of going to attempt- it's Gaelic-something), put someone on vigil whose name escapes me at the moment, and put Khalja on vigil, with one of the best deer-in-headlights response I've seen yet. She's going to be elevated at Summits Eleventh Night, which I was planning to go to. Should be cool.

Getting home from Crown was a challenge, as Wanda and I both forgot that she had a new locking gas cap. So I found myself in beautiful downtown Kalama, Washington, with cash in hand and no key to the gas tank. I tried the payphone, with my debit card- don't EVER EVER EVER do that- they charged me $29 and some change for the call, and it didn't actually go through- I could hear Wanda, she could not hear me. In full panic, I walked over to the Chinese restaurant next door, explained my situation, and the lady there pulled out her own cell phone and let me call home. (If you're even in Kalama, eat at the Lucky Dragon! They have nice staff, and according to the online review, outstanding food!) Wanda and Dan came up to rescue me, and Wanda and I drove home feeling rather silly. There is now a key to the gas cap on the ring of spare keys.

The guy who won Summits Coronet is from Corvaria and I don't know him at all. Not royal garb to make! Yay! I am taking some time off from other people's stuff (except the last of Gabriel and Sumayya's) and doing some for James and myself. I made myself a new Frankish gown in black and sort of an olive-y gold, and I'm really happy with it. Just finished an olive tunic for James with a subtle black and gold trim. Have more to finish for us, and then I think I'll make some clothes for Teh Babieez.

Teh Babieez are still with David's mother. This has gone on way too long, and I am mulling steps to affect this. Carefully, as I don't want it to look like a pissing war between Cindi and I. But she recently apparently (I've had no actual notification, just word from the kids) that my visitation has been restricted. If she thinks she can push me out of the picture, she is wrong.

The BIG NEWS in life lately is that Phil and Annie have decided to get married! I am very excited about this as I like Phil. They are planning to have a simple civil ceremony in New York, then come out here to Oregon for a BIG party/reception. No date set yet, but probably Summerish next year. Good, because we need time to make a pretty dress. :-) I told her she could have some of my silk. :-) And maybe I'll have time to make a proper Mother of the Bride dress this time.

Things at church are still wonderful, with one exception- Father Lin accepted an interim position in San Francisco. It has been a bit hard for me, as I had finally come to trust him, and I have a hard time with that. Our new rector is Carolyn Litzenberger. James says she's cool, and he had pretty good judgement about that sort of thing. She's a History Professor in her day job, and does Church history and Early Modern. We had a delightful talk Sunday after service and I think I'm going to like her.

Tuesday morning knitting circle at church was bordering on the absurd. Most everyone was missing, partly because one of the ladies passed away Tuesday morning and some of the others were helping with the family stuff. So Elinor and Marla and I went downstairs and poked through some of the little rooms and closets and such. We hit paydirt when we found the closet full of weird craft stuff. More beads and sequins than you can imagine. After that we had a little potluck. There was leftovers from Sunday, and I'd made a mushroom tart, and Gary cut up a bunch of melons and we had just sat down when this... guy, came to the door. Tallest black man I've seen outside of a basketball game (I'm guessing 6'5", 6'6"). Now things veer off into the Twilight Zone: He had a shofar and he wanted to come blow it for us. (Marla says he wandered in about this time last year- seems he fancies he's preparing us for Rosh Hashanah.) So he loped down to the front of the pews, where the sound is sweetest, and blew the horn. It was actually kind of cool. He sang some stuff in Hebrew. He stayed for lunch, and said the very strangest things... and even funnier, he was sitting next to Bill See who is mostly deaf and not necessarily all there, and the complete misses in cross-talk was hysterical. I was laughing so hard I got coughing and had to get up and stagger off for a bit. I ducked out not long after that, because I was feeling pretty crummy and needed meds. But all day long I was like What the hell was that?

I guess it was Life telling me to have fun and enjoy the unexpected. :-)