So it's time to clean out the old mailbox! And what to we have here? A great deal of spiced meat product!
on March 28-
-two pleas for 'assistance' from Mr Kim Wong at email@example.com (return mail at firstname.lastname@example.org) in Malaysia, with a novel offer. Apparently Mr Kim Wong is an artist in the textiles industry, and has a good business going, but finds that Americans always want to pay him in cash or checks (!) and he has difficulty with this, and wonders if I'm be interested in a business opportunity of cashing checks and then sending him money orders...
Odd. Isn't that called money laundering? Think I'll pass.
-A Mr Gregg Isaac at email@example.com (return mail at firstname.lastname@example.org) has for me a " PAYMENT OF ($5,8M) TWO MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS THROUGH SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC", via ATM card. After, of course, I send them a bunch of information, including my NAME... funny, if they have this money for me, how can it be that they don't have my full name?
-Mr Morris Campos at email@example.com (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org) has a similar offer for me, but this time the "ATM Card worth of $1.3m has less than Seven days to expire"! He has helpfully paid some fees to keep it from expiring so far, and would I please recompense him for them? As soon as I do that he'll see to it that the card is sent to me. Of course he does need some information, such as my NAME... uh, maybe not.
-Mrs Liza Wong at email@example.com, who is still holding $8.5 million from the estate of "a billionaire Business Mogul Late Mr. Moises Saba Masri, a Jew
from Mexico who was a victim of a helicopter crash since 2006 year" (Since? You mean it's still crashing? Oh my!) and she's willing to share it 60/40. of course, I need to provide a deposit for the transaction process, and they need my NAME...
-An Interpol agent (!!!) named Scott Iverson, at firstname.lastname@example.org. (He has the worst grammar I've ever seen from an Interpol representative.) Apparently something has happened with IMF debt relief, and someone is holding $6.5 million dollars for me. (That would certainly relieve a lot of my debt! It might even cover my student loans!) They money is being held in HSBC Bank (odd, that's who Liza Wong works for. I wonder if she knows anything about this?) but "Meanwhile those people that you have been dealing with are not from the right office, they are only using you to make money for their own benefit. You are therefore warned to stop any further communication with whosoever that you have been dealing with." Ahh... I see... and of course, he needs some information, including my NAME...
-Brigadier General Nana Tennyson at email@example.com (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org) says that some smugglers were caught with some lotto funds that were supposed to have gone to me, but were being stolen by them. Apparently my name was on the labels. All I have to do to have these funds released to me is to provide them with some information, including my NAME...
-Larisa Sosnitskaya at email@example.com (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org) needs help with "partnership in re-profiling funds in the amount of US$46 Million" that may or may not have been legally appropriated from the Yukos Oil Company in Russia. All I have to do is open an account with their offshore bank, and then they will let me 20% of the money they move through it. Great deal, right? Oh, and Please keep this confidential as we cannot afford more political problems.
Well, it seems that they don't have my NAME, so I ok, right?
-Mrs Helena Johnson at email@example.com writes to tell me that somehow there is a package waiting for me at a FedEx in West Africa. They say they didn't open it, but were told that it contains a bank draft worth $750,000.00. They'll be happy to ship it, but I have to pay various and sundry fees and charges involved. And of course I have to provide them with some information, including my NAME...
-Wow! An email from firstname.lastname@example.org (return mail email@example.com) says: "Congratulation for your name were among the list to be paid us$6,220,550 compensation payment.View this website to know more about me: http://nigeria.usembassy.gov/biography.html.I will tell you what to do to receive your payment without further delays immediately i hear from you."
You know, it warms my heart to see that so many people in Africa know my name and want to give me money. If only that happened here!
-SDDUSTINSANDERS@student.rsu.edu says that my email account has exceeded the storage limit, and I needed to go to this website (not repeating the URL here, as I'm not entirely stupid) to reactivate it. Well, I might fall for that if I had an email account at RSU, but I don't. And I download stuff from the server, so it would be hard to exceed storage anyway. Come to think of it, how would going to a website change the storage limit?
-Raymond Taylor at firstname.lastname@example.org (return mail email@example.com) sent me a densely-packed email with no paragraph breaks. Very hard to read. (I HATES DEM, I DOES.) He claims to be the son of Charles Taylor, who was caught trying to leave Nigeria. Raymond has some $600 Million dollars he needs to get out of the country, and would I please help him? Gosh, he didn't ask for my name. Maybe I should write him back?
-Yay! I won the Yahoo Lottery! I got mail from the Vice President of the Yahoo! Lotto Org., at firstname.lastname@example.org (return mail email@example.com) saying that I'd been chosen from among a number of international emails to win one million dollars! They have my numbers- Ticket number.....................154-12872774-09
but they need info from me, such as my sex and marital status, occupation, NAME... Hey, if they have my email from something I sent, they have my name already...
-Poor Raymond Taylor is still begging for my help...
-Mrs Kim James at firstname.lastname@example.org has some really great online loans for me. Looks legit. Just one question- if you don't pay up, do they break your keyboard?
-WOW!!! I got mail from the Secretary-General of the United Nations, at email@example.com (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org) and he says that my name came up on a list of contractors in West Africa (but of course!) and they have $2.5 Million dollars waiting for me! But wait- there's more! "However, it is our pleasure to inform you that your ATM Card Number; 5428 0500 1100 4432 has been approved and upgraded in your favour. Your pin number is: 2020."
Great. Just great, dude. Give away the bank, willya?
Oh, and he needed my name too...
-from email@example.com comes a message from Richard J. Reagan (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org) who tells me that they are working to privatize the four (four?) International Airports in Nigeria, and in the process they need to move US$48,231,000 out of the country. Would I please help? They'll give me 30% of it, out of the goodness of their hearts. All they need is: (1)Your company name and full addresses, Telephone and Fax Number (2)Your bank's name, Address, phone and fax number, Account name and Account Number, also your Bank Swift Code, IBAN or ABA Numbers.
Right. And do you have some oceanfront property in Arizona? I think I'll be needing some of that too!
-Oh, Poor Princess Fatima in Libya, still needing my help! Guess she'll have to wait some more.
-Dr Abiola Richard, at email@example.com (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org), who has an unclaimed inheritance fund left by an American named John Richardson. He's figured out how to claim it, and will split it 55/45 with me if I'll help him. All he needs is my:
DATE OF BIRTH:
BANK NAME AND ADDRESS:
What's a 'routine' number? Is that like a bad habit?
-SHELL FEDERAL CREDIT UNION at email@example.com (return mail firstname.lastname@example.org) has great loan offers! I'll pass- they smell like sharks. Or seafood of some sort at least.
-from email@example.com comes a plea for help, from Ghana. It seems that he lost a reelection bit for his senate seat, and needs help getting $19,500,000 out of the country... he provided a weblink for me to go to for more information (for this 'private and sensitive transaction' that he needed to do through a foreigner so it couldn't be traced- and he sets up a weblink?). I'd bet he wants my name there...
-The United Nations Investigations Office writes from firstname.lastname@example.org (return mail email@example.com) "Dear Funds Beneficiary
I am Mrs Joan Melvin by name, a United Nations senior investigation officer. The UN Director has instructed me to investigate your inheritance contract sum of $2.5 million united states dollars that you were supposed to have received on the 15th of Nov, 2011.
The affiliated paying bank is HSBC BANK and from my findings, i was convinced that your wire transfer did not get to you due to the corrupt officers at the paying bank you were dealing with. In fact, it was revealed that you were frustrated by the top officials of the bank, at the end you gave up.
I am here today to inform you that your funds is 100% legitimate. You did not receive your funds because you tried to claim it through the wrong channel/process. The only fee you are legally required to pay before receiving your funds is $480 Usd which is a fee required for your FINAL RELEASE ORDER before your funds could be transferred to you.
You must get back to me immediately by completing the requested information Below:
FULL NAMES: :.........
TELEPHONE NUMBER: ....
COPY OF IDENTIFICATION: (DRIVERS LICENSE OF INT. PASSPORT)
I have to admit, this was a new one. I wonder if she's talked to the Secretary-General about this?
Must note- they sent me an email requesting my email address.
-firstname.lastname@example.org (return mail email@example.com) says that I have won on million Euros from ONLINE LOTTO AND GAMING CORPORATION! I just can't tell anyone about it. Cool. Fine by me. :-)
That's enough for tonight, kiddies. More next time!